Dealing with Narcissism: What Jesus Said About Those Who Thrive on Chaos
Let’s get something straight right from the start: Narcissism isn’t a word you’ll find in the Bible.
But if you’ve ever dealt with someone who is utterly consumed with themselves, who thrives on chaos, manipulation, and control—someone who gets their kicks from tearing others down—then you know exactly what kind of person I’m talking about.
It’s the one in your life who can’t stand to see you succeed, who secretly poisons relationships behind your back, who thrives on the drama of your downfall.
And sometimes, this person might even be family. Maybe they married into the family (both of those are absolutely the truth in my case.) Maybe they’re the ones who should have had your back, but instead, they’ve been plunging a knife into yours every time you turn around.
I get it. It’s horrible. You’ve prayed. You’ve tried to be kind, to do things the right way, to take the higher road.
But no matter what you do, they seem to find a way to make your life harder, more painful, or more confusing.
But here’s the thing: Narcissism is not new. Jesus dealt with people like this too.
And while the Bible doesn’t say the word “narcissist”—it does tell us exactly how to handle people who are lost in their own self-importance, consumed by jealousy and insecurity, and use others as pawns in their own game.
The Truth About Narcissistic People: They Thrive on Chaos
Narcissists are good at one thing: creating chaos. It’s their fuel. They can’t exist without the drama, the attention, and the control they get from hurting others or manipulating situations.
And in many cases, they disguise it as “concern” or “help,” but behind the mask, it’s a different story.
Sound familiar?
Here’s the thing about these types of people: they’re deeply miserable.
They might appear to have the upper hand. They might even seem to be winning—sowing discord, tearing apart relationships, and watching people suffer.
But what you often don’t see is the wreckage of their own lives. Narcissists may have no real friends because, deep down, they can’t actually be a friend to anyone. And they’re lost in their own misery.
Here’s how Jesus told us to handle these kinds of people:
1. Recognize Them for What They Are (But Don’t Get Trapped in Their Game)
In Matthew 7:15, Jesus warns us: “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.”
It’s a powerful metaphor, and it applies here. Narcissists will often pretend to be something they’re not. They’ll wear the mask of a friend, a family member, someone who’s “looking out for you.” But deep down, their motives are to destroy, to manipulate, to feed their own ego.
You need to see them for who they are—without the mask—and protect your heart.
2. Don’t Let Them Steal Your Peace
Jesus also said in Matthew 10:14, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”
In other words, if someone is toxic—whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a spouse—and they won’t listen, won’t change, or only bring chaos into your life, let them go. You don’t need to keep trying to fix something that isn’t broken because they’re the ones who are broken.
Stop wasting energy on people who don’t want peace, who thrive on conflict and chaos. Shake the dust off and move forward. It’s hard, but it’s freeing.
3. Trust That They Will Eventually Face the Consequences
Here’s one thing that’s guaranteed: people who live by tearing others down don’t get away with it. They might win small battles here and there, they might seem like they’re thriving for a season, but eventually, the truth always comes out.
Galatians 6:7 reminds us: “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.”
Narcissists and manipulators can spin all the lies they want. They can poison relationships, spread rumors, and play their games—but the seeds they plant will eventually come back to them. In fact, sometimes their own misery is the harvest they’ve been working toward all along.
4. They Live Miserable Lives (Because They Have No Real Relationships)
Think about it: Narcissists can’t maintain real friendships because, at their core, they’re self-centered. They view people as tools to be used for their own benefit. And when you strip away the people they use, they’re left with nothing but an empty, lonely existence.
As Proverbs 18:1 puts it: “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.”
These people are driven by insecurity and jealousy. They don’t know how to love others, so they keep their lives in a constant state of unrest. They have no peace, and the more they push others away, the more isolated they become.
5. God Has a Plan for You—And It’s Not About Them
Finally, it’s important to remember this: their story doesn’t have to be your story.
Yes, they might be family. Yes, they might have hurt you deeply. But their toxic behavior does not define your future.
God has a different path for you—a path of peace, healing, and blessing. The more you focus on Him, the less power these people have over your life. Proverbs 23:18 reminds us: “There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.”
So, no matter how much chaos they try to bring, remember: you are not the victim in their story. You’re a child of God, and your story is in His hands.
In the end, dealing with narcissistic people—whether they’re family or someone who married into the family—can feel like a never-ending battle.
Again – this is one I struggle with daily. Watching the narcissist ‘win’ time and time again, and wonder what I ever did so wrong to deserve this.
But Jesus’ teachings give us a clear path to follow: recognize them, protect your peace, trust that justice will come, and don’t let them steal your joy.
Because in the end, those who thrive on chaos, jealousy, and manipulation—will face the consequences of their own actions. And you? You’ll walk in peace.